Fresh Fit Vol. 1

So as far as blogging goes, I'm pretty much the worst ever, but my New Year's goal is to update more often! I'm actually really excited for this semester, because I'm enrolled in Self Defense for Women and Third Wave Feminisms, which, after only one day, is already set to be kick-ass and full of grrrl power. 

As a Radio/TV Production major, I'm also in a ton of media classes, which I can't wait for. Ad-busting and media watching are two huge passions of mine, and I can't wait to learn more about the inner workings of it all. Speaking of which  - has anyone seen the new Subway ad? It was posted on feminist, and it's completely infuriating. 

I get it. It's supposed to be funny. Making fun of those "other" fast food places. But seriously? Associating fat with a lack of self esteem, the inability to keep a boyfriend, and the need for therapy!? Are you KIDDING me? It's so frustrating that (at least here in the US), we equate thin as healthy and fat as unhealthy. I understand the importance of eating healthy. Believe me, when your dad has had colon cancer 4 times, you begin to learn the importance of healthy eating to improve your insides. However, we should be encouraged to eat healthy in order to prevent heart disease, help with digestion, and keep our immune systems working properly, among many, many other things which do NOT include fitting into a size 0 dress! 

I'm just curious as to why is society so hell-bent on encouraging women to shrink. Because, call it crazy, but when women are being told on TV, in magazines, and now in their fast food ads that fat=bad, weight can easily become an obsession. And when women are obsessing over weight, what are they not thinking about? How absolutely brilliant they are. How much life experience and expression they have to offer the world. How much humor and love they are filled with. How much oppression they have the strength to fight against. How they are so much more than how society values them on the basis of outward appearances. 

Thus, women are not only shrinking physically, but mentally as well. We are encouraged to quiet our voices, be silent, worry about our weight, and about what we eat merely so we can keep our boyfriends (which is completely heterosexist in itself).  While we absolutely need to eat healthy in order to keep ourselves strong, we do not need to eat/not eat in order to fit some patriarchial-imposed stereotype. 

Feminist also posted a link to a page to Subway's website where you can share your opinions on their new ad - I hope you all take just a few minutes to let them know what you think about their newest ad (hopefully that having fat doesn't mean you are a completely unlovable, ghastly person!)

This post doesn't begin to touch on the issues surrounding fatophobia or the fat acceptance movement, because, to be honest, it's something I personally don't know a lot about myself. I really encourage everyone to research it though, and realize that all bodies are beautiful. When we eat to nurture and care for ourselves, rather than to fit into some impossible beauty stereotype, we will be a much happier bunch :) 

ps  - look for Part 2 soon!

Sexual Harrassment is a Not-So-Fun Spot (to find yourself in)

For quite some time now, I felt that something was “off” with the company I have been working for. Family run, every owner, manager, and higher-up had known each other for years, and this created a sense of impenetrability, and infallibility. In other words, no matter what any of them did or said, I knew there would be no repercussions; after all, who could fire family? It wasn’t until a few months into my job, however, that I truly began to feel their faint misogynistic undertones creeping into the workplace.

The first time I ever took specific notice of this behavior was one of the first times I was called in to work on a Saturday. Alone in the office, the male manager on duty (MOD) and his male lead came in, sat down directly across from me, and exclaimed, “Man! Have you seen [co-worker’s] ass?! She is HOT.”

In short, I was stunned, and completely unsure how to respond. Was I expected to agree? Should I pretend to laugh along with them to get in their good graces, to be “one of the guys?” Should I be honest with how appalled I was?

Coming from a company in which the slightest *hint* of sexual harassment required a Disney Inquisition, I was shocked that these two men had no qualms discussing another co-worker’s body with me in such a sexual way, especially when I was the only female in the office. Their words made me upset, because they weren’t just about the comment itself; they ran much deeper than that. These two male superiors were valuing the woman for nothing more than her body. Not her work ethic, or her customer service abilities, or her mind, but rather “her hot ass.”

It made me wonder if that was how they viewed ME, and the other women at work. If they were talking to me about another co-worker, were they talking about all of us? Was that all we women were to these men? Separate, disconnected body parts?

I was extremely uncomfortable, but suppressed my feelings, thinking that I was overreacting, or acting like a “prude.” It wasn’t long, however, until things began to become even worse.

During one of our daily meetings, the same MOD was discussing an event we were going to be hosting at work. The local boy’s volleyball team was invited to a free day of go-karting, food, and fun, and the managers were discussing how we “might as well” invite the women’s team so that the men’s team would be able to “have some fun” (well if THAT shouldn’t have been the first sign …). In any case, the MOD, in front of the entire morning shift, began with “oh man, hot girl athletes in little shorts … can I work this event?” Chalk up another one on his scale of sexual sketchiness.

It was only a few weeks later when I heard from another co-worker some (for once) positive news – apparently, sexual harassment would be the topic of our morning meeting. I went into the meeting extremely excited. Finally, someone else had realized the inappropriateness of the MOD’s comments, and was going to warn us about that kind of behavior! As I walked into the meeting, however, I was confused to see that specific MOD leading the discussion. “Sexual harassment?” he laughed, “Pssh! Sexual harassment is the reason I work here!” I looked around for another face as appalled as I’m sure mine was, yet found only laughing faces. Our Human Resources director and General Manager were hysterical, loving every minute of his “goofy” jokes.

I was completely disheartened. It was at that moment that I realized there was no real action I could take; going to HR or the GM was obviously out of the question – they had known the MOD for over 10 years, and would obviously take his side any day over mine – especially since sexual harassment was such a non-issue for them.

That night, I called home in tears, feeling in my heart that something was very wrong with my work environment. Expecting to find support, I found only disbelief and skepticism. My mother couldn’t believe that “such nice people who I used to love working with” would ever engage in such behavior, and my father had the nerve to suggest that “just because I was offended by a joke didn’t mean that it was inappropriate, and that maybe I should just ‘lighten up’.”

Everything I had ever read in Women’s Studies was coming true right before my eyes. Because I am young, and because I am a woman, I was “obviously” exaggerating. I was acting like a “typical woman,” because I was emotional. I was terribly vain because I thought I was “hot” enough to be in a situation of sexual harassment.

The criticism I was faced with upset me almost as much as the sexually charged work environment, if not more. And yet the comments continued, until today at work, which was the final straw for me. I had put up with comments about other womens’ bodies. I heard women told they couldn’t work in specific areas because the men would be too distracted by them. I had listened in quiet disbelief as the MOD “joked” about how he didn’t want a dress code at our Christmas party so that he could see the girls in tight dresses. I had suffered through comments about the outfits I wore, the shoes I had on (“wow, come here and look at her drag queen shoes!), the homophobic comments I would receive if I wore a rainbow bracelet to work (I wish I was making this up). Nothing could compare to the owner’s comments at today’s morning meeting, however.

Moving to the front of the room, the owner revealed his plan to open up a new wing house restaurant near our new location. The name? T & A. Yeah. T & A. As in “Tits and Ass.” Oh, wait, I mean “tasty and affordable, although I’m sure the ‘double entendre’ will help with business, especially for the male audience ;)”

Wow. If I ever had ANY doubts about the male perception of my female co-workers, they were completely erased from my mind. Especially with his follow-up comment – “I mean, ha ha ha, god made ‘em, we may as well love ‘em.”

Oh, but wait. It gets worse. A hour or so later, the bosses old friend, let’s call him Chris, came in to visit with a woman. Having never met me before, Chris introduced himself, and then the woman, Ellen. Upon hearing this, the boss bellows “Ellen? What is this? Call her what she is – your wife!”

Gosh, what was Chris thinking? I mean, introducing his wife as a person with a name instead of as his property? What does he think this is? The 21^st century? Hellooo.

Needless to say, I was furious, and had to write about my experiences. I realize this may read more like a personal journal than a public forum, but I truly do believe that is through the personal experiences of women, and the sharing of our stories that change can be made. Before today, I had only shared this story with my parents (and we all know their reaction), and my boyfriend, who was extremely supportive, and gave me some great ideas on how to handle the situation.

It makes me incredibly mad, however, that women have to deal with situations like this on a daily basis. The fact that we still live in a society where we are considered –by not all, but many – to be no more than objects of desire. To work for men, not for ourselves. That our bodies are celebrated more than our minds. And most of all, it makes me mad that we are put into situations like this where we are not believed. We are exaggerating. We are over-reacting. We are prude and humorless and bitter and vain. And we are ANGRY.

Tonight, especially, I am very angry with myself. After all of this, I still confessed to my boyfriend that I didn’t think I could quit my job. The money was great. The hours were flexible. I didn’t want to go through the hassle of applying elsewhere and going through interviews and figuring out a whole new system of work. It meant the world to me when he turned to me, and looked at ME with disbelief. “Isn’t this kind of behavior exactly what you stand against? Women having to deal with these awful situations because they don’t think they are good enough or strong enough to leave? You know that you are, and no one, NO ONE should have to deal with that kind of behavior.”

In that moment, my internalized feelings of inferiority were brought to life, and I realized how dead on he was. I was accepting what these men were doing to me. I was going to allow this behavior to continue on. I was going to lose my voice, my identity, my self worth, my pride, and most importantly, my self respect.

Women of the world, we cannot tolerate this! If we allow this type of behavior to continue, we will never break the endless cycle of oppression. We will be giving in to the idea that we are only there, like the women’s volleyball team, to be men’s playthings. To that, I say HELL NO. We, like that team, are so much more than misogynistic males’ perspectives of us. We are strong, brave, and tough, and we do NOT need to put up with this behavior. We need to talk to one another, to not be afraid to share our stories and our experiences, because with the support of each other, we can reach our full potentials as individuals. Let’s realize our full potential, and be proud of who we are J

Do Nothing, and You May as Well Lend a Hand

A while ago in my Women's Studies class, we watched several PSAs about domestic violence during one of my classmate's discussion leadings. One PSA from Australia was particularly haunting, and left our normally outgoing classroom completly speechless. I remember sitting in the darkened room, watching everyone's faces morph from concern to shock to utter dismay.

I finally found the PSA, and wanted to share it with you. I'll warn you - it can be very triggering, and is very difficult to watch, but it's something I feel everyone needs to see.

Anti-DV PSA

I think it's amazing that something so profound is being shown over in Australia, but my applause at the PSA quickly turned to absolute disgust when I began reading the comments posted undeneath.

For those of you who didn't watch the video, (warning) it depicts a man and woman sitting at their kitchen table, listening to their next-door neighbors through the thin walls. The neighbor man is yelling terrible things at the woman, and a situation involving domestic violence is strongly implied. After an uncomfortable amount of time, the first man stands up, picks up a baseball bat, and goes next door, presumably to be the hero and stop the neighbor from abusing his wife. However, the man instead hands his neighbor the bat and says "thought you could use this." The scene is then cut away from, and one can hear the abused wife begin to cry.


What an awful image, yet the final text is powerful - "do nothing, and you may as well lend a hand."


Yet, as I mentioned before, it wasn't necessarily this PSA that incited me to write, but rather the comments underneath:

"I hope he beats her good. Crazy woman with her back talk."
"pat that man on the back! He did a good deed by giving a bat to beat the bitch!"
"That was retarded!The guy with the bat should have went in there to help tame that crazy dame!"

and this was just the first page.


Are there are even words for this? I cried when I began to read these comments. I cried out of anger, out of absolute frustration, and out of absolute despair. I don't care if these people were trying to be funny. I don't care if they were trying to incite trouble, or were desperately seeking attention. It's absolutely, totally, 100% sickening, and it makes my blood boil that people could even BEGIN to laugh at this.

What is it in our culture that makes people think these kinds of "jokes" are ok, LET ALONE actually believe what they are saying (which I pray to God isn't the case, or I don't know what I what would do).

Fuck anyone who doesn't believe that we need a feminist movement. Who doesn't believe there isn't any work to be done. Who thinks that Women's Studies is a waste of time. Who makes jokes belittling women that gives others the right to make the same jokes and constantly keep women oppressed.

How could people be so heartless, and so misogynistic? It saddens me that women are thought of so little by these people. That we are considered lesser. That people think it is ok to make jokes about "our place" and violence against us like we are not human.

Read this article. Live, rage, and weep with these women. See the realities facing women all over the world. Get angry. Do something. Don't allow ANYONE to EVER make comments like this, even if they're only "joking."

By joking about something so serious, we allow it to become something to laugh at, to remove ourselves from. We allow women to become the "other." To become dehumanized.

I wonder how these commentators would feel if the PSA was reality for their mother. Their sister. Their niece. Their loved ones.

We cannot allow this violence to continue. It has to stop now. It has to stop with us.

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
1-800-787-3224 (TTY)

http://www.ndvh.org/

Essays!

I am so bad at keeping up with this blog, but I have been given some amazing ideas lately, and as soon as midterms are over, I can't wait to share some of the in-depth discussions I've been having with my classmates and friends lately. As for now, I just wanted to post two short essays I had written for my Women's Studies class, as well as the prompt. I hope you all enjoy them, and maybe learn something new :)

Sheila Jeffreys argues in Beauty and Misogyny: Harmful Cultural Practices in the West (Routledge 2005) that Western beauty practices fulfill the United Nation’s concept of “harmful traditional cultural practices.” According to Jeffreys, these practices are 1) damaging to the health of women and girls, 2) performed for men’s benefit, 3) responsible for the creation of stereotyped roles for the sexes, and 4) justified by tradition (Jeffreys 3).

Choose ONE culturally accepted Western beauty practice (i.e. dieting, wearing high-heeled shoes or make-up, etc.), and make a case for the ways it violates (or does not violate) a broad-based definition of women’s health. Make sure you use at least three of our readings to support your argument.

According to The American Society of Plastic Surgeons, 8.7 million people in the United States underwent cosmetic surgery in 2003, 83% of whom were women. (thebreastsite.com). These extremely high numbers are especially terrifying when one begins to look at the ways in which plastic surgery is normalized and even encouraged on the macro, meso, and micro levels of society. By analyzing Sheila Jeffreys’ definition of “harmful traditional cultural practices” within each of these 3 levels, along with readings from Kirk and Okazawa-Rey, Jean Kilbourne, and Lani Ka’ahumanu, it can be seen that plastic surgery does, in fact, violate a broad-based definition of women’s health, and thus needs to become a focus of the feminist movement.

As defined by the United Nations World Health Organization, health is “a state of complete physical, mental and social well-being” (Kirk and Okazawa-Rey 215). Therefore, when determining if plastic surgery violates this definition of health, a holistic approach needs to be taken. Unfortunately, on the macro level, plastic surgery focuses solely on women as objects who need to be visually appealing to a male audience. At this institutional level, women’s health is violated most often through the advertising industry. By classifying the ideal woman in advertising as someone who meets impossible beauty standards, young girls and older women alike are programmed to feel that if they do not compare, they will not be enough for their male counterparts. Jean Kilbourne writes, “the cumulative effect of these images and words urging girls to express themselves only through their bodies … is serious and harmful” (137). An obviously large effect of these dehumanizing images is the steep rise in plastic surgery, and more specifically, breast augmentation. Women are hospitalizing themselves, and allowing doctors to cut open their skin and insert foreign objects into their bodies in order to achieve the male standard of beauty . Not only is this a serious physical health risk and violation, but also stresses Jeffreys’ argument that a woman’s health is violated when she acts for the benefit of a man (Jeffreys 3). If the macro-level advertising industry is not continually questioned, challenged, and “girl”-cotted by the feminist movement, it will continue to remain a serious health violation to all women.

At the meso level, many factors remain in place which serve to violate women’s health in two ways described by Jeffreys – factors which are responsible for the creation of stereotyped roles for the sexes, and justified by tradition (Jeffreys 3). Many of these factors can be found in the workplace, where, unfortunately, conditions are constantly in violation of women’s health. For example, Kilbourne writes “there is…pressure on young women today to be thin, to shrink … not to take up too much space, literally or figuratively” (136). This workplace tradition of women as small, quiet, and almost invisible is justified by the lifelong tradition of the separation of work into “men’s work” and “women’s work.” While women have obviously made much gain since newspapers’ jobs sections were separated by gender, the strong meso-level reinforcement to stay “small” mentally carries over into the physical side as well. Combining the pressure to remain small with the macro-level advertising industry, it is no wonder that liposuction was the number 1 performed cosmetic surgery in 2005 (cosmeticplasticsurgerystatistics.com). When women feel as if they have to be both physically and mentally “small” in order to survive in the workplace, their health has obviously been violated.

Unfortunately, females are not often able to escape from the pressures of “beauty” at the micro level either. Although written as a poem, Lani Ka’ahumanu’s work describes the way many young females often feel - “I would avoid looking at myself, I mean really looking beyond the self-hate … I was constantly comparing myself with others” (154). Even in individual lives, the pressure to be perfect is overwhelming. This mental agony and worry can begin to take control, thus harming an individual’s health both mentally and spiritually. Low self-esteem can lead to drastic acts, such as spending thousands on plastic surgery, and a majority of people surveyed who underwent plastic surgery were those who spent an hour or more a day thinking about their appearance (MedicineNet.com).

Although women’s health is often violated at the macro, meso, and micro levels, this news should not serve to dishearten women. It is a difficult journey, but by reclaiming actions for ourselves instead of for men, by challenging definitive gender stereotypes and discriminatory traditions, and focusing on health and holistic, positive living, a feminist-positive health system is absolutely obtainable.

~

Life on planet earth has ended and you are being beamed up to Planet X, where you will begin a new society with several other survivors. It’s a long trip to Planet X, and so you have time to plan. What absolutely vital feminist idea should serve as a foundation of life on Planet X? Define this feminist idea and provide at least three supporting reasons, from a feminist perspective, for its necessity on Planet X. Make sure you use at least three of our readings to support your argument.

In order to form a feminist foundation on Planet X, there are three vital factors that must be in place so that the main feminist idea of equality can be implemented. At all levels of life, there must be no gender roles enforced, a universal health care system designed around choice, and the acceptance of love based on individual desire and agency.

In a world without feminism, only two strictly defined gender roles exist, male and female. From the moment a baby’s sex is determined, immediate stereotypes are formed, and from the moment the child is born, all of those around him/her treat the child the way they believe the child “should” behave based on his/her gender. The trouble with this socialization, however, is that it takes away an individual’s agency and opportunities in life. As Leslie Feinberg writes, the ideals of a “real” man and woman that we are inundated with since birth “straightjacket the freedom of individual self-expression” (194), and hinder everything from the jobs we take to the clothes we wear, and the way we are socialized to behave. Not only are gender roles demeaning for those who identify as male or female; they are extremely harmful to those who don’t feel as if they fit into an either/or category, such as transgenders. As Feinberg writes, “for many of us [transgenders], the words woman or man … do not total up the sum of our identities” (195). Therefore, in the feminist society of Planet X, we will begin fresh with no pre-determined notions of how a gender “should” behave. Instead, free will and agency will be promoted, and individuals’ dreams and goals will be encouraged regardless of what biological sex they are born into.

Once the population begins to grow on Planet X, a universal health care system will need to be implemented. Because good health is the foundation of life, it must be preserved and protected, and most importantly, individualized. While the idea of individualizing a universal health system may seem contradictory, it boils down to the idea that while everyone must have equal access to the health care of professionals, the care must be in synch with the individual’s personal decisions. If, for instance, a woman believes that she is not yet ready to care for a child or does not desire to have one, the option to receive a safe abortion must be readily available to her. This idea of a health-care system based around choice will be centered on Judith Arcana’s belief in the importance of respecting and trusting the natural instincts of women. “All the Great Mothers were respected in their choices, decisions made for the good of the child, the mother, the clan, the tribe, the nation” (Arcana 227). Arcana also argues that we must discuss our personal choices “in open recognition of our joy or sadness, our regret or relief – in conscious acceptance of the responsibility of our choice” (227). Although Arcana is referring to abortion, her ideas speak to the entire medical field as well. Neither women nor men should ever be forced to feel shame about their bodies. Instead, on Planet X, open discussion and honesty will be encouraged, and by talking about our personal health concerns, much more will be gained and learned.

Finally, the most important factor which will be enacted on Planet X will be the idea of free love based on an individual’s agency. While “love in patriarchal culture was linked to notions of possession, to paradigms of domination and submission,” love on Planet X will be based around egalitarian relationships rooted in the feminist foundation of equality (bell hooks). As there will be no defined gender roles on the planet, there will also be no boundaries between males/females, and homosexual relationships will be just as valued as heterosexual ones. Love will be, as bell hooks so beautifully describes it, “the will to extend oneself to nurture ones’ own or another’s spiritual growth because it affirms that love is an action” (236).

On a Planet ruled by love of oneself and equal love and respect of others, there a world of hate and black/white gender stereotypes will not be possible. There will be no denial of a human’s right to choose and have control over his/her own body, and the health industry will be based around care and humanity, not monetary gain. With these three factors in place, Planet X will be a feminist society built on the foundation of equality.

---

The Porn Myth - Girls Gone Wild!

Naomi Wolf is one of the first feminists whose work I read. Perhaps one of her most famous books, The Beauty Myth opened my eyes to the oppression and injustice women unfortunatly still face in this day and age, while offering advice on how to fight the negative stereotypes of beauty presented everywhere - the ad industry, the workplace, home, etc. I just stumbled across a short article of hers, and had to post it. I have some major, major issues with pornography, so I thought I'd share this article to see what you all think. It's an easy read, but a poignant one, and I think it rings very true to the porno-culture we are saturated with on a daily basis.

The Porn Myth

In the end, porn doesn’t whet men’s appetites—it turns them off the real thing.

• By Naomi Wolf

At a benefit the other night, I saw Andrea Dworkin, the anti-porn activist most famous in the eighties for her conviction that opening the floodgates of pornography would lead men to see real women in sexually debased ways. If we did not limit pornography, she argued—before Internet technology made that prospect a technical impossibility—most men would come to objectify women as they objectified porn stars, and treat them accordingly. In a kind of domino theory, she predicted, rape and other kinds of sexual mayhem would surely follow.

The feminist warrior looked gentle and almost frail. The world she had, Cassandra-like, warned us about so passionately was truly here: Porn is, as David Amsden says, the “wallpaper” of our lives now. So was she right or wrong?

She was right about the warning, wrong about the outcome. As she foretold, pornography did breach the dike that separated a marginal, adult, private pursuit from the mainstream public arena. The whole world, post-Internet, did become pornographized. Young men and women are indeed being taught what sex is, how it looks, what its etiquette and expectations are, by pornographic training—and this is having a huge effect on how they interact.

But the effect is not making men into raving beasts. On the contrary: The onslaught of porn is responsible for deadening male libido in relation to real women, and leading men to see fewer and fewer women as “porn-worthy.” Far from having to fend off porn-crazed young men, young women are worrying that as mere flesh and blood, they can scarcely get, let alone hold, their attention.

Here is what young women tell me on college campuses when the subject comes up: They can’t compete, and they know it. For how can a real woman—with pores and her own breasts and even sexual needs of her own (let alone with speech that goes beyond “More, more, you big stud!”)—possibly compete with a cybervision of perfection, downloadable and extinguishable at will, who comes, so to speak, utterly submissive and tailored to the consumer’s least specification?

For most of human history, erotic images have been reflections of, or celebrations of, or substitutes for, real naked women. For the first time in human history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn.

For two decades, I have watched young women experience the continual “mission creep” of how pornography—and now Internet pornography—has lowered their sense of their own sexual value and their actual sexual value. When I came of age in the seventies, it was still pretty cool to be able to offer a young man the actual presence of a naked, willing young woman. There were more young men who wanted to be with naked women than there were naked women on the market. If there was nothing actively alarming about you, you could get a pretty enthusiastic response by just showing up. Your boyfriend may have seen Playboy, but hey, you could move, you were warm, you were real. Thirty years ago, simple lovemaking was considered erotic in the pornography that entered mainstream consciousness: When Behind the Green Door first opened, clumsy, earnest, missionary-position intercourse was still considered to be a huge turn-on.

Well, I am 40, and mine is the last female generation to experience that sense of sexual confidence and security in what we had to offer. Our younger sisters had to compete with video porn in the eighties and nineties, when intercourse was not hot enough. Now you have to offer—or flirtatiously suggest—the lesbian scene, the ejaculate-in-the-face scene. Being naked is not enough; you have to be buff, be tan with no tan lines, have the surgically hoisted breasts and the Brazilian bikini wax—just like porn stars. (In my gym, the 40-year-old women have adult pubic hair; the twentysomethings have all been trimmed and styled.) Pornography is addictive; the baseline gets ratcheted up. By the new millennium, a vagina—which, by the way, used to have a pretty high “exchange value,” as Marxist economists would say—wasn’t enough; it barely registered on the thrill scale. All mainstream porn—and certainly the Internet—made routine use of all available female orifices.

The porn loop is de rigueur, no longer outside the pale; starlets in tabloids boast of learning to strip from professionals; the “cool girls” go with guys to the strip clubs, and even ask for lap dances; college girls are expected to tease guys at keg parties with lesbian kisses à la Britney and Madonna.

But does all this sexual imagery in the air mean that sex has been liberated—or is it the case that the relationship between the multi-billion-dollar porn industry, compulsiveness, and sexual appetite has become like the relationship between agribusiness, processed foods, supersize portions, and obesity? If your appetite is stimulated and fed by poor-quality material, it takes more junk to fill you up. People are not closer because of porn but further apart; people are not more turned on in their daily lives but less so.

The young women who talk to me on campuses about the effect of pornography on their intimate lives speak of feeling that they can never measure up, that they can never ask for what they want; and that if they do not offer what porn offers, they cannot expect to hold a guy. The young men talk about what it is like to grow up learning about sex from porn, and how it is not helpful to them in trying to figure out how to be with a real woman. Mostly, when I ask about loneliness, a deep, sad silence descends on audiences of young men and young women alike. They know they are lonely together, even when conjoined, and that this imagery is a big part of that loneliness. What they don’t know is how to get out, how to find each other again erotically, face-to-face.

So Dworkin was right that pornography is compulsive, but she was wrong in thinking it would make men more rapacious. A whole generation of men are less able to connect erotically to women—and ultimately less libidinous.

The reason to turn off the porn might become, to thoughtful people, not a moral one but, in a way, a physical- and emotional-health one; you might want to rethink your constant access to porn in the same way that, if you want to be an athlete, you rethink your smoking. The evidence is in: Greater supply of the stimulant equals diminished capacity.

“For the first time in human history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn.”

After all, pornography works in the most basic of ways on the brain: It is Pavlovian. An orgasm is one of the biggest reinforcers imaginable. If you associate orgasm with your wife, a kiss, a scent, a body, that is what, over time, will turn you on; if you open your focus to an endless stream of ever-more-transgressive images of cybersex slaves, that is what it will take to turn you on. The ubiquity of sexual images does not free eros but dilutes it.

Other cultures know this. I am not advocating a return to the days of hiding female sexuality, but I am noting that the power and charge of sex are maintained when there is some sacredness to it, when it is not on tap all the time. In many more traditional cultures, it is not prudery that leads them to discourage men from looking at pornography. It is, rather, because these cultures understand male sexuality and what it takes to keep men and women turned on to one another over time—to help men, in particular, to, as the Old Testament puts it, “rejoice with the wife of thy youth; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times.” These cultures urge men not to look at porn because they know that a powerful erotic bond between parents is a key element of a strong family.

And feminists have misunderstood many of these prohibitions.

I will never forget a visit I made to Ilana, an old friend who had become an Orthodox Jew in Jerusalem. When I saw her again, she had abandoned her jeans and T-shirts for long skirts and a head scarf. I could not get over it. Ilana has waist-length, wild and curly golden-blonde hair. “Can’t I even see your hair?” I asked, trying to find my old friend in there. “No,” she demurred quietly. “Only my husband,” she said with a calm sexual confidence, “ever gets to see my hair.”

When she showed me her little house in a settlement on a hill, and I saw the bedroom, draped in Middle Eastern embroideries, that she shares only with her husband—the kids are not allowed—the sexual intensity in the air was archaic, overwhelming. It was private. It was a feeling of erotic intensity deeper than any I have ever picked up between secular couples in the liberated West. And I thought: Our husbands see naked women all day—in Times Square if not on the Net. Her husband never even sees another woman’s hair.

She must feel, I thought, so hot.

Compare that steaminess with a conversation I had at Northwestern, after I had talked about the effect of porn on relationships. “Why have sex right away?” a boy with tousled hair and Bambi eyes was explaining. “Things are always a little tense and uncomfortable when you just start seeing someone,” he said. “I prefer to have sex right away just to get it over with. You know it’s going to happen anyway, and it gets rid of the tension.”

“Isn’t the tension kind of fun?” I asked. “Doesn’t that also get rid of the mystery?”

“Mystery?” He looked at me blankly. And then, without hesitating, he replied: “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Sex has no mystery.”

http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/trends/n_9437/

~~~

What a sad world we live in where sex is no longer a personal, mysterious, wonderful experience. Obviously, this is not the case for everyone. I am positive that there are those who are able to communicate their desires and fantasies, and engage in honest and open discussion about their experiences with each other. However, it'd be hard to convince me otherwise that a very serious sexual repression has taken root in this society.

Repression? How can this be when women are now "liberated" to show off their hot matching bra and pantie set to "friends" on their webcams? When frat houses are beginning to install stripper poles in their living rooms so women can revel in their supposed "sexuality?" So companies like "Girls Gone Wild" are making millions exploiting women who are too drunk to say no? (and don't you dare tell me women are "asking for it" by getting drunk. Why should a woman have to live in fear that her actions will lead to harassment, assault, and possible rape? - that, however, is an entirely different blog).

This, dear readers, isn't sexual liberation! This isn't reclaiming sexuality for ourselves, this is putting on a show like we are instructed to do by the most popular teacher of sex-ed --- the porn industry. This is saying to yourself, "in order for him to think I'm hot and sexually attractive, I need to look like the women he watches and wants."

The porn industry is no longer a "once-in-a-while," "occasional user" recreation. It has taken over almost every aspect of our lives. Although I don't personally read them, my boyfriend is a devout follower of sports blogs and forums, and almost daily points out frustrating components of these sites ... posts to rate the "hottest" girl of the month. Registered users identifying themselves with pictures of breasts, or signing off every post with a picture from Maxim or FHM. Likewise, music sites are lined with pictures of "hot, horny singles in your area!" --- hello? Does anyone else see a problem when you cannot go to virtually any site on the internet without advertising for sex workers - err, I mean, "friends" on the side? Our advertising industry - save companies like Geico (thank God someone has a sense of humor devoid of sexism!) - is completely inundated with porno images. AXE body spray, anyone? How can anyone escape these images without shutting themselves off from the rest of the world entirely?



But I digress. What is the effect of all of this on women? It is here I could not agree with Naomi Wolf more - porn causes deep feelings of inadequacy, and gives us false misrepresentations of what "sexuality" is. Instead of being presented and taught as something personal, individualized, and deeply passionate and erotic, sex is commodified into a simple package to be sold. The pornography industry has become so entrenched in our culture that we are no longer satisfied with "boring" sex. We are so desensitized that we need double penetration, foreign objects, more pain, more degradation ... the list goes on.

Now I realize that everyone has their own sexual desires, and that is what is so wonderful - we all have something we want! I am sure that there are those who would love these acts, and they should be applauded. However, as one becomes more and more immersed in watching pornography and continues to watch these acts change and develop, becoming increasingly more violent against women, the idea is planted that ALL women desire these things. Why of COURSE all women want to be gang-banged. Of COURSE a woman who dresses in low-cut shirts wants to be stopped at the side of the road to hop in your van and put out, and if your girlfriend doesn't want a dirty sanchez, well by golly, isn't she a prude!

Why are we encouraging these pornographic fantasies, and most importantly, why are women buying into them?! The pornography industry is not a glamorous one. Although it is hard to record actual statistics, there is an overwhelming majority of workers in the industry who have been, or are still, sexually abused. Their living conditions are poor, health is always an issue, and pornography is cited by many as a "last option" for women who have nowhere else to turn.

Is that really something we want to glamorize? Is this why girls spin around on stripper poles, to show how porny and "sexual" they are? To show they're "just like" the girls in the porn who are hot, wild, and up for anything?

Why, instead, aren't we encouraging sex-positive conversations? Why aren't we encouraging women to focus on their minds instead of their bodies? While we need to be proud and love our bodies, we need to make sure that whatever we do with them, we are doing for US, and not because we feel it is what a man wants.

Our sexuality should be allowed to blossom however we want it to. We should encourage it, and respect it, and not allow it to be dictated by a society that uses sex as a mere commodification of women as nothing more than objects used by men for sex. If we want to flaunt what we've got, then hell yes we should. But if we are doing it because we believe that it is what a man wants to see ... because it makes us "sexy" by society's definition instead of our own ... because we want attention however we can get it ... by flashing ourselves on a webcam, or spinning around in a frat house ... then we need to re-evaluate ourselves and our definitions of sexuality.

Let's break out of this porn myth once and for all, and begin our own sexual liberation!

"And the touching leads to talking,
and the talking leads to sex,
and then there is no mystery left."
- Rilo Kiley

Love is All We Need

It's been forever since I've last written. I wish I had updated sooner, but my Women's Studies class has been throwing so much new information at me that I never have a free moment to record any of it. I'm learning faster than I ever have before, and there is still so much to discover! Finding countless, brilliant, insightful, and inspiring theories is opening a whole new world to me, and I'm constantly encouraged to stay active and not only talk about what I'm learning, but practice it as well.

This past weekend, for example, was the first time I have ever participated actively in a social cause, and I could not be more excited about it. Joe Saunders, one of the coolest person I've met this year, asked me to help recruit and organize volunteers to table for Equality Florida and the Fairness for All Families campaign at Orlando's Come Out With Pride 2007 Event! I was fortunate enough to recruit some AMAZING volunteers who stayed at the event the whole day to help spread the word about Florida's so-called "Marriage Protection Act." If this act was passed as an amendment into Florida's constitution, not only would there be a ban placed on same-sex marriage, but same-sex civil unions and domestic partnerships as well. Therefore, we were at Pride to reach out to the community and encourage them to pledge to vote NO! to placing discrimination in our constitution.

I think that in the debate over gay marriage, there is one main issue that is often ignored - that every single person living in this state, in this country, is a HUMAN BEING who deserves the same equal rights. How can we, as a country, even suggest denying basic rights to citizens based on who they love? Once two people in this country are married, they are granted over 1,000 rights. These rights include everything from tax breaks to visitation rights in the hospital. Can you imagine that scenario? Your partner, whom you have been with for 20+ years, is suffering from a life-threatening car crash, or a serious disease, and because you are not "married" or "family," as defined by law, you are not granted visitations rights to visit them in their last few hours. Or, imagine you have been with your partner in a committed relationship, and yet your place of work denies you domestic partnership benefits for health or life insurance.

I cannot imagine how anyone can honestly look at themselves and say that an entire group of people, based solely on their sexual attractions, or personal definitions of love and gender and self-identity, should not receive the same basic human rights of those who prescribe to the heterosexual norm.

My Women's Studies professor offered some inspiring advice in my last class however -- according to her, in recent polls, the gay rights movement is considered by many to be THE movement for this generation. It is an issue we feel passionately and deeply about, and it is one that we can ultimately achieve!

The feeling of being involved in something so political and so relevant was unlike anything I had ever experienced before, and I hope that everyone will experience that feeling in their lifetime. For the first time, I felt the power that people can create while coming together to fight social oppression, and it was completely exhilarating. Hearing people thank us for working towards justice and equality was so humbling, and that day, connections were made that won't be forgotten. I truly believe that in any scenario where people have come together to work for a world of equality, harmony, and peace, there is a great life force present, and the possibility for change is endless.

Pride was a day of hope, love, and community, and I would encourage you all to attend one wherever you live, as a member of the GLBT community, or as a straight ally.


On a closing note, I'd like to leave you with this quote from the Pride parade:

"We are not asking for special rights - just human rights."

Viva la Vulva!

“I was worried about vaginas. I was worried about what we think about vaginas, and even more worried that we don’t think about them.”
– Eve Ensler

This blog begins with a short essay I wrote for my Women's Studies class, which asked us find the common thread among our assigned readings for the week (dealing with feminist theorizing about body image and beauty ideals), and to tie in a cultural artifact, as well as a feminist response to the articles. The following is my work, with additional commentary.

Viva la Vulva!

Eve Ensler’s quote from her fabulous work, the “Vagina Monologues,” rings true to my own worries about the vagina after reading Chapter 3 in “Women’s Lives: A Multicultural Perspective,” as well as the selected readings from the same text, and Chapter 5 in Megan Seely’s “Fight Like a Girl,” aptly titled “Good Enough.” Through every single text, one terrifying fact stands alone – that women are made to feel unhappy about who they are, not based on personal characteristics or personality traits, but on the basis of their bodies alone. Not only does this separate the body and mind, and make women feel less whole, but demeans every woman as nothing more than an sex object, or a disconnected system composed of separate body issues in need of extensive “repair” – legs that need to be smoothed, thighs that need to be thinned, hair that needs to be waxed, breasts that need to be lifted, faces that need to be airbrushed, arms that need to be toned and tanned. While all of these ridiculous beauty standards that women are expected to meet are outraging, it was a line on page 123 of WLP that infuriated me the most –

“WomenseNews writer Sandy Kobrin (2003) also reported an increase in labiaplasty, ‘the surgical reshaping of female external genital structures. Doctors who perform this surgery say that most women who get it are ‘pressured by men who want them to conform to an idea of beauty most often seen in the porn industry’.”

I cannot even begin to fathom the idea of putting oneself through surgery, a dangerous procedure even for medical conditions that are the determination between life and death, to “improve” the look of one’s labia. According to the website consultingroom.com, 793 women underwent “vaginal rejuvenation” in the United States alone. After visiting WomenseNews’ website, I found another another article Kobrin published in 2004 in which a woman writes,

“‘I looked in like, those magazines, and saw that inner labia shouldn't stick out like mine did,’ said Crystal, who requested her last name be withheld. ‘So I had a labiaplasty and now I love the way I look; nice and neat and new. My vagina looks perfect’.”

A plastic surgeon also commented on the harrowing rise of the surgery,

“‘Women want to be tight,’ said Matlock. ‘They don't want sagging or loose labia. I can't tell you how many pages and pages of pornographic material women have brought into me saying, ‘I want to look like this.’”

The most discomforting part of this rising surgery isn’t necessarily the surgery itself, but the fact that women feel as if they aren’t “good enough.” They are entering doctor’s offices bringing in armloads of pornographic images of women whose labia are “perfect” – images that are airbrushed to all look the same. Lifeless, non-descript, impossible images that only serve to further condemn women to feel shameful of their own bodies. When only one (or a few extremely similar images) are presented through the media – in the case of labia, and the vulva as a whole, usually only through the pornography industry – women have no way of knowing that there are millions of vulva shapes, sizes, designs, and beauty- a type for every woman! In this way, “the constant promotion of an ideal body image is a very effective way of oppressing women and girls, taking up time, money, and attention that could be devoted to other aspects of life, like education or self-development, or to wider issues such as the need for affordable health care, child care, elder care, and jobs with decent pay and benefits” (WLP 129).

Not only are women detracting from these issues by focusing their time on their physical attributes rather than their personal and spiritual growth, but the language they use against their bodies is degrading and demeaning. It is not until after surgery that women consider themselves “nice,” “neat,” and “perfect.” Until then, they feel “sagging,” which is considered undesirable by not only themselves, but their partners as well.

It is through female-positive websites such as the cultural artifact
http://www.bettydodson.com/subsex41genart.htm which can end these negative self perceptions women are socialized to hold against themselves. On the site, Doctor Betty Dodson has collected beautiful photographs of women’s vulvas of all varieties. These images are empowering and exhilarating, as they depict vulvas that are different from the pornographic norm. These images let women know that there is nothing “wrong,” or “imperfect” with the way they are, that everyone’s bodies are different, and that it is not important to worry about the external so much as the internal.

As a feminist, I responded to these articles with shock and dismay, yet with great praise for empowering websites such as Betty Dodson’s. Because women and young girls are inundated with a flood of over-sexualized, over-exposed, over-airbrushed images of what a “woman” is supposed to be in every facet of life, from advertisements in “Seventeen” magazine, to pornography pop-ups on every website, to the television shows we praise, it is a feminist’s responsibility to continue to share and create these female-positive websites. It is our responsibility to ensure women that who they are IS good enough. Instead of accepting “what is horribly wrong in our lives,” we need to “fight [for] what is beautiful and right” – images of women that are real, honest, and beautiful in their imperfections (The Body Politic 143).

----

As I mentioned in my essay, the statistics are astounding, and the language womyn use to describe themselves even worse - if they are saying after surgery that they are nice, neat, and perfect, then before the surgery they must have been bad, unclean, undesirable, and imperfect.
This idea is so ridiculous, that I am enraged womyn are made to feel this way, especially when the vulva is so beautiful, so strong, and so much a part of being a womyn. One of my favorite descriptions of female anatomy is found in "The Vagina Workshop," a favorite monologue of mine from Eve Ensler's Vagina Monologues.

"My vagina is a shell, a round pink tender shell, opening and closing, closing and opening. My vagina is a flower, an eccentric tulip, the center acute and deep, the scent delicate, the petals gentle but sturdy ... my vagina is a shell, a tulip, and a destiny. I am arriving as I am beginning to leave. My vagina, my vagina, me."

This description is so beautiful, and so powerful, and should be read by every womyn. THIS is the language we should use when speaking about our bodies, the words of our feminist mothers and role models. Words that come from within ourselves, not from the media. Words that are strong, and empowering. When we refer to ourselves in the way the media wants us to view ourselves - as fat, slobby, undesirable, sagging, ragged, imperfect - we can never become more than our bodies. We are doomed to concentrate all of our energy and money on an unreachable goal of "perfection," that not even our models can reach (remember, even they need to be airbrushed before they hit the magazines). Moreover, the

"tendency to view one's body from the outside in - regarding physical attractiveness, sex appeal, measurements, and weight as more central to one's physical identity than health, strength, energy level, coordination, or fitness - has many harmful effects, including diminished mental performance, increased feelings of shame and anxiety, depression, sexual dysfunction, and the development of eating disorders" (WLP 134).

Womyn, we need to rise above this. We have to realize the life-threatening dangers of such physically-based thought processes. We need websites such as Dodson's and myvag.net. Men, we need your help as well. In a recent study, "male college students shown centerfolds from Playboy and Penthouse were more likely to find their own girlfriends less sexually attractive" (WLP 134). Men, you too need to educate yourselves on the power your words hold. When the majority of womyn is undergoing labiaplasties due to negative comments from their male counterparts, it is not only a womyn problem, but a male problem as well.

We all need to be educated, and informed about the wonders and beauty of the human body. Let's learn to love ourselves, and never forget - Viva la Vulva!

all images by the brilliant Georgia O'Keefe